The Secret to True Self Control: Living Free Under Christ’s Authority
“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.”—Titus 2:11-12 (ESV)
I know what it feels like to lose the battle for self-control. For me, it often shows up in food or staying up too late. For others, it may be anger, lust, spending, or even subtle pride. Whatever the form, Scripture warns that a lack of discipline is dangerous, like a city without walls, defenseless against attack (Prov. 25:28).
Self-control is often described using battle imagery—because it is! The greatest threat is not simply temptation outside of us but the sinful cravings within. Yet the good news is this: Christ has already won the decisive victory. We fight, but not as the desperate or defeated. We fight as those who walk in the Spirit’s peace and rest.
When the Spirit is at work, He empowers us to submit to a better Master. While the world tells us to “follow our hearts,” God calls us to something counterintuitive: to submit our hearts to Christ’s authority. There, and only there, is the power to resist indulgences that never satisfy.
More than that, this is where we find true freedom that Christ offers as we live godly lives, even in a self-indulgent culture (Titus 2:11–12). This freedom is not simply relief from bad habits but liberation through Christ’s finished work. Because we are justified in Him, sin no longer rules us, and His Spirit sanctifies us day by day.
So how do we grow in this fruit of the Spirit?
The Example of Self-Control: Christ Himself
Unlike us, God is never tempted to indulge or to sin. Yet in Christ, we see self-control displayed perfectly in human life. While we often emphasize His death and resurrection, His obedient life also teaches us much.
The good news is that Jesus entered our battle. He didn’t simply send the Spirit from afar; He walked this same world. He faced real temptations, and because He resisted to the end, He felt their full weight (Matt. 4:1–11; Heb. 4:15). Where we give up, He pressed on without yielding. That is why He can sympathize with our weakness (Heb. 2:17).
But He also shows us the way forward. Instead of giving in, He lived in perfect submission to the Father (John 6:38). Every time, He said no to sin and yes to God (Luke 22:42), desiring His will above all else (Is. 53:10). He succeeded where we fail—and He did it for us (John 19:30).
Self-control reminds us of our weakness apart from Him. We give up early; He endured fully. Yet through union with Christ, His victory becomes ours. We are no longer slaves to sin but servants of God (Rom. 6:22). He imparts His life to us, and His Spirit enables what our flesh cannot. In Him, we are free to live under God’s good rule (Ps. 22:28).
If Christ is our model and source of strength, then what does Spirit-shaped self-control look like in everyday life?
What Christlike Self-Control Looks Like
To be clear, true self-control is not self-reliance or mere willpower. Yes, unbelievers may show discipline by common grace, but Spirit-born self-control is different. It flows from union with Christ, depends on His Spirit, and aims at God’s glory.
By His Spirit, we receive new desires and strength to master our impulses—not for self-praise but for God’s glory. Self-control is not just saying “no” to ungodliness but also saying “yes” to God’s Word, will, and ways (Rom. 13:14; Ps. 86:11). Sometimes it means setting aside even good things for something better (Luke 10:42). It touches every part of life—sexual purity, stewardship of our bodies, Christlike speech, and the wise regulation of appetites, thoughts, and emotions (1 Cor. 9:27).
Growing in Self-Control: Tending the Garden of Your Heart
Self-control isn’t automatic, though we often wish it were. But it can be cultivated. In Christ, we have been rescued from sin’s power and given His Spirit, who trains us daily. Like a garden, this growth requires tending—habits of surrender, correction, and perseverance. And these habits are never self-made; they are formed through the Spirit as God works in us (Phil. 2:12–13).
1. Prepare the Soil: Recognize the Battle
The first step is recognizing the war against the flesh (Gal. 5:17). Ironically, a lack of self-control doesn’t bring freedom but slavery. But when we surrender our desires to God, His Spirit leads us into life. This begins with self-denial (Mark 8:34), laying aside our fleshly comforts and setting our minds on the Spirit.
Self-control actually protects us with God-given boundaries that lead to true freedom. Rooted in Christ, we resist excuses and submit our emotions and actions to God. Though sin still presses close, we can trust that Christ will finish His purifying work (Titus 2:12–14).
2. Water the Garden: Treasure His Glory
A mind set on self cannot submit to God (Rom. 8:7). Without the Spirit’s renewal, we are stuck in Romans 7, doing what we hate. The secret, however, lies in treasuring God’s glory above all else. When His will is our supreme desire, we will not trade it for fleeting pleasures.
This God-centered mindset blesses others too. As the Spirit reshapes our thoughts and actions, we glorify Him by living differently before the watching world. This thinking frees us from the pull of approval, pride, or comfort, and enables us to walk in His freedom instead.
3. Pull the Weeds: Know Your Vulnerabilities
The danger is not just “out there”—sin lives in our own hearts. Lack of self-control hijacks obedience and always affects others. Even sins we tend to minimize—like laziness in prayer, gossip, or gluttony—can enslave us if left unchecked (1 Cor. 6:12).
We must know our weak spots: food, comfort, greed, anger, or self-pity. Thoughts shape emotions, and emotions shape actions—so we must guard our minds (Prov. 4:23; 2 Cor. 10:5). Outbursts of temper, bitterness, or resentment reveal a lack of control. Like weeds, they choke spiritual fruit unless, by the Spirit’s power, we put them to death. It is hard, but this is where the Spirit meets us.
4. Tend the Garden: Pursue Goodness Freely
However, as mentioned earlier, self-control is not only about self-denial. It is also about joyful pursuit. As Jerry Bridges notes, self-control is inner strength guided by sound judgment to do what pleases God—in body, thought, and emotion. Over time, these Spirit-formed habits strengthen us across all of life.
This requires patience and perseverance as we rely on the Spirit to subdue sinful desires (Rom. 6:12–14). It’s not legalism but liberation—freedom from slavery to sin. Identify your temptations, seek accountability, and pray for His strength to restrain evil so you are free to do good.
True Freedom in Christ
Self-control is not a burden but a gift of freedom. Sometimes we must say no to what feels good in order to pursue what is truly good and lasting. Instead of focusing on all that we are giving up, remember this: in Christ, we are freed to live fully in the better life God has for us.
While it may be hard in the beginning, self-control has a compounding effect. By fixing our minds on the Spirit, sin’s allure fades and God’s ways shine brighter. Growth in one area strengthens us in others, enabling us to love God and people more fully.
