The Quiet Power of Gentleness: Strength Under God’s Control
“…a bruised reed he will not break,
and a faintly burning wick he will not quench…”—Is. 42:3 (ESV)
While our culture often prizes boldness, toughness, and self-assertion, Scripture values something different: gentleness and meekness. At first, these traits may sound soft or timid, but in reality, they require much strength from the Spirit.
So what’s the difference between these two? Gentleness is how we actively treat others with care and restraint; meekness is how we humbly endure wrongs without retaliation. Both are not weakness, but strength surrendered to God. Together, they reflect the heart of Christ, revealing God’s strength in places the world least expects it.
The Source of Gentleness: God Himself
Scripture paints a beautiful picture of God’s gentleness. Isaiah 40 shows Him as both the mighty King who rules with power and the tender Shepherd who carries His lambs close to His heart. Without this gentleness, His holiness would overwhelm us. But instead of leaving us under demands we could never bear, He bends low, gathers us in, and restores us with compassion. What a God we have!
I experienced this in a season when my heart felt bruised and my faith was smoldering. Adjusting to life with Anah’s disability, I grieved the family I thought I’d have. My anger spilled out, and the damage left me feeling like a failure—unworthy of trust or ministry.
Yet God did not break me. During a personal retreat, He met me through His Word. Instead of condemnation, I found kindness. That gentleness began my healing journey—and in His hands, even my weakness has become a way to serve others more deeply. Only He can do that.
What Christlike Gentleness Looks Like
What does Christlike gentleness look like? For me, I saw it in a friend who stayed. She didn’t try to fix me with quick answers, nor did she withdraw when my heart was hard. Instead, she patiently prayed, gently pointed me back to Christ’s promises, and reminded me of truth even when I resisted. In her steady presence, I experienced something of Jesus’ own tenderness. She never treated me with severity, even when I deserved it, but slowly softened me with love and patience.
That is biblical gentleness—strength under control, courage rooted in trust that God is near.Gentle people don’t intimidate or criticize. Instead, they seek to embody Christ, whose Spirit produces this fruit in us (Eph. 4:1–3). They are firm yet kind, strong yet soft, compassionate and patient. When we walk with the Gentle Shepherd, His gentleness becomes ours, and others find rest in our presence—just as I found rest in my friend.
Growing in Gentleness: Tending the Garden of Your Heart
As already mentioned, gentleness is not something we can manufacture on our own—it is the Spirit’s work in us. Because Christ has been gentle with us, we can learn to extend that same grace. Though it may not be natural for some of us (like me!), it is a fruit of the Spirit—and therefore it is a fruit we can develop as we abide in Him.
1. Prepare the Soil: Humbly Remembering Our Need
Gentleness begins by remembering who we are—fragile, needy people sustained only by God’s mercy. This can be difficult for those of us who lean on self-reliance or who have hardened their hurting hearts.
But humility grows when we look upward to God in faith, not inward to ourselves. His gentleness toward our weakness softens our pride, making us more patient with the failures of others. Instead of reacting with criticism or disdain, we respond in solidarity: “that’s me too.” By His Spirit, we are stirred to love, serve, and meet others in their need (John 13:14–17; 2 Cor. 1:3–4).
2. Water the Garden: Think on Christ’s Gentleness
Christ’s gentleness teaches us to treasure what the world dismisses as weakness. He comes low: a king riding on a donkey (Matt. 21:5), a Savior who carries the weary and will not break a bruised reed (Isa. 42:3). His invitation—“learn from me, for I am gentle” (Matt. 11:28–29)—shows us that true strength rests in humble trust.
Scripture calls us again and again to put on gentleness (Eph. 4:2; Col. 3:12). My instinct is to fight back when treated harshly, but in Christ, I am free to lay down my self-protection and even accept correction, trusting Him to use it for my good. Fixing our eyes on Him, the Spirit loosens pride and grows His gentleness in us.
3. Pull the Weeds: Uproot the Harshness
Gentleness grows when we are willing to face and uproot harshness in our hearts. Do I use sharp words, intimidating tones, or silent judgment? Do others feel ill at ease in my presence? These are signs of weeds that choke out gentleness.
The Spirit can expose these blind spots—and if we’re brave, those closest to us can too! Naming and confessing these failures allows God to replace hardness with His compassion. As we seek His forgiveness, He teaches us new ways. Slowly, He shapes us into people whose presence feels safe and restful, echoing the gentleness of our Shepherd.
4. Tend the Garden: Actively Pursue Gentleness
Gentleness is not passive—it must be intentionally pursued (Col. 3:12; 1 Tim. 6:11). It makes others feel at ease, respects their dignity, and chooses soft answers over harsh ones (Prov. 15:1). It patiently instructs rather than dominates (2 Tim. 2:25).
True gentleness can face opposition without resentment, confront sin without crushing, and honor weakness without belittling. It grieves over failure, prays for restoration (Gal. 6:1), and perseveres in trust that God is near. Rooted in Christ, gentleness is strength used to serve, not control—a testimony that points others to the power and tenderness of God.
Gentleness: A Resting Place for Others
Of all the Spirit’s fruit, gentleness may be the hardest for me—but also the most transformative. When I resist harshness and remember God’s gentleness toward me, I find strength to walk a new path. Gentleness offers rest to the weary, reveals Christ more clearly, and carries quiet power—whether in leadership or in witness to the unsaved.
