Made for Community: Biblical Friendship for Everyday Life
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”—Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)
[This blog series is a reflection on some of the themes I have written on this blog.]
In Genesis 2:18, God observes, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” In this verse, we learn something foundational about humanity—God made us to live in relationship. While what follows is the first marriage, we can safely say that whether married or not, we do better when we are not alone.
Sharpened Through Friendship
Current research shows that friendships can improve our health and even increase life expectancy. Yet Scripture draws our attention to something even deeper—the spiritual benefits of faithful friends.
Proverbs 27:17 talks about iron sharpening iron, which in ancient times, was a lengthy process. As they did not have knife sharpeners back then, to sharpen a blade would require “persistent, careful striking of the tool against a sharpener.” (Source) It seems that just as important as the strength of the iron was the persistence required to keep striking again and again. And not just striking randomly, but with careful and intentional purpose.
By analogy, a good friend is not merely strong in faith but patient and persistent in walking with us. Because blades can dull with use, sharpening with regularity is necessary. A good friend does not give up easily nor does she get complacent.
I used to (wrongly) think that friendship is optional, especially when I was in the very busy seasons of my life. At other times, I felt too broken and believed I needed to be “fixed” before I could invest in others. I didn’t want my mess to affect them, so I would hide—usually to my own detriment.
Five Reasons We Need Faithful Friends
As I have grown in faith, I have begun to see what a blessing friendships are, not merely to improve my life but to strengthen my faith in God. And what a joy it is when I am able to do the same for others! Whether these women are younger or older than me, I have been so blessed by the friends God has brought into my life. Here are a few reasons why.
1. Friends give perspective.
A good friend can point out blind spots in our hearts. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not thankful at the moment, but later, I am grateful for their care. Their spiritual insight has been a great encouragement to me.
Who in your life helps you see what you cannot see in yourself?
2. Friends remind me I’m not alone.
I remember when I had my first baby. I didn’t know what was normal and when I should be concerned. I appreciated having a friend whose baby was just a few months older than mine walking with me. This was also true when I started homeschooling. These women not only helped normalize my struggles but served a protective function as well. When we are isolated, we are vulnerable—to shame, to deception. But when we have friends beside us, they remind us that God is present and caring for us.
Who consistently reminds me I am not alone in my struggles?
3. Friends teach through experience.
Hebrews 10:24-25 tells us we are to spur one another to love and good works. Colossians 3:16 and Ephesians 5:18-19 encourage us to teach one another with truth. I am so grateful for the women I have met through Bible studies and other reading groups. As I hear from their successes and failures, I learn what to avoid and am given a picture of how to pursue Christ in ordinary ways in life.
What lessons could I learn from the experiences of my friends or mentors?
4. Friends strengthen our faith through accountability.
In college, I had a good friend who wanted to help me for a season as I sought to cultivate the habit of praying for the world. She said she would fast for me every time I skipped a day of prayer. Whether or not that’s something I’d recommend today is debatable, but I do know this: I was so blessed that she was committed enough to my growth in Christ that she was willing to sacrifice for me. That spoke volumes to my young heart. Sometimes we need this sharpening from others through times of spiritual battle to help us stay the course.
Who encourages me to persevere in my faith even when I want to withdraw?
5. Friends model Christ’s love in ordinary life.
One of the most helpful conversations in my life came in one of the hardest seasons post-adoption. I was in despair and so discouraged. Instead of just trying to fix me, my friend listened carefully and compassionately. She prayed for me. And only then did she gently make some suggestions for my consideration. What I remember most about that conversation is not just the thoughtful suggestions she offered, but the way I tasted the kindness of Christ in a season when I felt like a failure.
How can I show Christ’s love to the women around me this week?
Connecting the Dots
In the last post, I talked about books as being a way that we are mentored by others, I certainly didn’t mean to imply that all we need is to curl up with a book when what we truly need is a friend. Though friendships do take time, effort, and intention, they are worth it. Yes, friendship is risky, and we can get hurt—but the alternative, being alone, is not good.
So I encourage you, use the questions above to help you think about the ways God has surrounded you already with friends. And if those questions didn’t help, then turn them around: how might you be the friend that someone else needs? Who can you encourage in their struggles? Who needs help in persevering in faith? Is there a younger sister in the faith I can mentor or disciple?
Below are some posts on this blog that can help you strengthen your own friendships:
Two Are Better Than One — importance of shared discernment and encouragement.
Connecting the Dots: Spiritual Motherhood — older women walking with younger women.
Wise Counsel — learning from those who have navigated similar challenges.
Studying, Living, and Sharing God’s Word — friends can help us apply Scripture faithfully.
Master Plan of Evangelism — discipleship modeled relationally.
Speaking Psalms 1 — praying Scripture with and for one another.
Three Friendships — investing in varied relationships (peer, older, younger).
What Is Discipleship? — discipleship occurs relationally, not only through formal teaching.
Favorite Discipleship Blogs — ongoing learning through community.
