Our Father: Praying to the One Who Delights to Listen
“Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven …”—Matt. 6:9. (ESV)
It was shortly after the start of COVID season. I had been doing great, practicing my rhythms of rest. God was slowly changing me. I had begun to feel hopeful again.
But when the shelter-in-place mandate arrived and the date of return kept getting pushed out, I found myself getting frustrated. I could feel myself start slipping back to my old ways. Fears that all the progress I made over the past few years shadowed my thoughts.
And then I remembered: I could pray, even when I was a mess. That was a new idea—but a sure sign God was at work in my heart.
So I did. I poured out my frustration and fears. I shared my weariness. It was an ugly-cry experience, full of complaints—but it was honest and from the heart.
I didn’t know it then, but it would be another year before things would change. Yet that prayer was a turning point for me. My situation didn’t change, but my perspective and heart did.
Come Messy
Sometimes, we carry around this unspoken pressure that we must be “just right” before we pray.
Perhaps I had that notion because that was how I related to my earthly dad. But that was where I got it wrong. I made my dad my standard when I thought of God instead of seeing how my dad failed to meet God’s standard as a parent.
When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He called Him “Abba,” a term of intimate trust and faith. In our sinful state, we are alienated from Him, but when we admit our sin and place our faith in His blood, we too can call Him “Abba, Father.”
Just as we enter the Kingdom by coming messy, we enter into prayer messy, not by “cleaning up first.” To pray in line with the gospel, we enter with our mess, just as we did at the first.
In my COVID prayer, I came to Him egocentric, pretentious and small-hearted—and that was exactly how He wanted me to come to Him.
Come Needy
Children are, by nature, weak. Because they don’t know everything, they need guidance. They need help.
God knows that. As our Creator, He is well aware of our limits. When we admit that and turn instead to Him as our perfect Father, He is delighted because it means we see rightly. We see our need. And when we turn to Him, we acknowledge He knows better.
I love it when my children ask for help instead of trying to do it on their own. I am so glad when they admit they can’t do it and come to me. I can’t imagine that God is less happy to hear my requests than I am.
I didn’t like to admit it, but I needed help in those early days of COVID. And I would need help for the many days after. But God did not tire of helping me all those days. Even today, after the worst of the pandemic was over, I can still ask for help.
And He still answers.
Come Humbly
Though James 4:3 suggests that our impure motives are the problem, I misinterpreted that to believe that I need to wait to pray until my motives are pure. However, the person James is addressing is one who is prideful, not humble.
There is a difference between the impurity of pridefulness and the humility of someone who acknowledges his or her mixed motives. Later in this passage, James tells us that when we submit ourselves to God and draw near to Him (in prayer), He will draw near to us (James 4:7-8).
By the blood of Christ alone, not by our own efforts, are our hands cleansed, our hearts purified, our minds made singular. When we lean on the gospel to make us right in His eyes, when we recognize our sinfulness and mourn over it, He will actually lift us up (James 4:8-10)—just as Jesus honored the children in his midst.
God isn’t surprised by our contradictions. He doesn’t require that we sort it all out before speaking.
In fact, it’s often in the act of prayer—raw, unfiltered, honest—that He begins to gently untangle the mixed motives of our hearts. He receives it all: the noble desires, the selfish ones, the confusion and clarity, the longing and the lack. Just come with all of it and let Him work it out.
Let’s Pray
If you’re anything like me, you may wonder how this looks. So here are a few practical ways to lean into this relationship today:
Come messy.
Start with what’s real, not what’s polished. Don’t pray like a Pharisee wearing a spiritual mask. It is the hypocrisy of trying to be something else that makes prayer unsatisfying. “God, I feel selfish asking this…” or “I don’t even know what I want, but I want You.” As C. S. Lewis advises, “lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us.”
Come needy: Start where you are right now.
Right here, right now—whether folding laundry, waiting in line, or before a meeting—is holy ground. “Father, I need help…now!” Short prayers count!
Tell Him about your family, your day, work, neighbors, and your concerns for them.
Let him know your frustrations, griefs, fears, hurts, failures, shame, or even your disobedience.
Be honest when you are struggling to believe or trust or your lack of desire to pray.
Let your sufferings press you to Him, instead of trying to escape. View them as a gift of God to help you see your need more clearly. Uncomfortable as it is, let it draw you near to Him.
Share your dreams with God, your excitement, your hopes as a child does. We can tell Him what we hope for, but leave the outcomes to Him, trusting Him that even if they do not come to pass, He is for our good.
Come humbly: especially when you are dwelling on evil.
Tell Him when you are battling angry thoughts, pride, ambition, lust, or greed.
Confess desires to take vengeance in your own hands, to punish wrong, to put people in their place. Catching yourself in the moment and admitting it to God may help you direct these to Him who can absorb it instead of letting it fly out to others and cause damage.
Talk to Him about the ways you displease Him and bring it out into the light. Hiding our sin is what makes it grow like a cancer. We may think that sin will keep us from God, but actually, sin is what brings us to God. Like a friend that you have weathered bad times with is closer, so it is with God.
It is in these shameful moments that true intimacy with God is cultivated. Our sinful tendencies will tempt us to stay away when what a true child who trusts her father will do is go to Him. “Father, I am struggling with _____ right now. Please help me stand firm in my faith.”
Share the ways you see injustice around you and why it’s wrong. It may sound like complaining but talk to Him about it instead of just getting angry and trying to resolve them in your own way. Recognize your inability to fix the world’s wrongs. But tell Someone who can. See Moses in Numbers 11:1-15, David in Psalm 22, Jeremiah in Jer. 20:7-18 for some very real examples.
The Freedom We Find in Our Father
It is because of the gospel that we are able to pray like this. We are messy when we enter the Kingdom for the first time.
That mess takes a long time to clean up. So don’t try to rush over this. Instead, let it be the doorway through which you enter His presence. Let us celebrate the gospel that allows us to come close to our Father—and then in faith, draw near. Trust that He is who He says He is, even if your earthly father failed to reflect Him.
And there, you will find the freedom that allows us to rest in Him.
