Growing in Love: From Duty to Delight
“We love because He first loved us.”—1 John 4:19 (ESV)
In my last post, I shared about my adventures in gardening. Just as I couldn’t make my seedlings grow, true love isn’t something we can manufacture on our own—it’s cultivated by God Himself. We cannot force the production of a self-sacrificing affection that flows outward to others.
The world often tells us love is all about what we feel—an emotion to be pursued, a spark to be protected. But Scripture shows us a different—and better—way. Biblical love begins with God, flows from Him, and transforms both our actions and our affections.
This is why it’s crucial to understand how God cultivates love in us. His plan isn’t about trying harder—it’s about abiding deeper in His love (John 15:9). This is the source that enables us to love even when the feelings aren’t there. He grows the affection that mirrors His heart.
Let’s take a closer look at what Scripture says about love: its source, its nature, and how the Spirit grows it in us as we walk with Him.
The Source of Love: God Himself
“God is love” (1 John 4:8). True love is a gift that involves all three members of the Trinity: the Father’s plan, the Son’s sacrifice, and the Spirit’s work in our hearts. From eternity past, they enjoyed perfect love and fellowship. Out of this overflowing love, God created us to share in His joy.
Even when sin cut us off from His love, God pursued us. In love, the Father sent the Son to live, die, and rise again to reconcile us to Himself (Romans 5:8). And in love, the Spirit now dwells in us, pouring God’s love into our hearts (Romans 5:5).
When we trust in Christ, we are united to Him and adopted as beloved children of God (1 John 3:1). This security in His steadfast, covenant love becomes the foundation for loving others. When we grasp that we are deeply loved—not because of what we do but because of who God is—it changes us. We are freed from striving to earn love and empowered to reflect His love to those around us.
What Christlike Love Looks Like
Unlike the world’s love, which often stops at feelings or seeks self-fulfillment, Christlike love flows from abiding in Him and overflows into sacrificial action. Abiding in Christ’s love is not a passive feeling but an active relationship that transforms us from the inside out.
Biblical love is not merely an emotion or cold duty. It is a Spirit-produced disposition that overflows into action: forgiving (Ephesians 4:32), covering sins (1 Peter 4:8), putting others first (Philippians 2:3), and even laying down our life for others (1 John 3:16).
This kind of love is the overarching virtue: “Above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14) and reflects Christ Himself. It requires dying to self, embracing sacrifice, and loving generously—even when it’s hard.
It’s important to remember while true love is more than feelings, it’s not less than them. Love often begins as obedience, but as the Spirit softens our hearts over time, He also cultivates Christlike affection—a tenderness and even delight in serving others (Romans 12:10; 1 Thessalonians 2:8). While obedience is essential, God desires to shape not only what we do but also how we feel toward others—a love marked by both faithfulness and Christlike affection.
But how do we grow in this love? How do we move from knowing about God’s love to showing it in action and affection?
Growing in Love: Tending the Garden of Your Heart
The fruit of love certainly doesn’t grow overnight! It is slowly cultivated as the Spirit works in us and as we actively depend on Him. We can nurture this fruit of the Spirit as we:
1. Prepare the Soil: Reflect on God’s Love for You
Before you can love others, let your heart be softened by God’s love for you. Meditate on Romans 5:6–8 and 1 John 4:9–10 slowly. Ask yourself:
Do I truly believe God loves me—not because of my performance, but because of Christ?
Where do I struggle to rest in His love, and how might that affect my ability to love others?
Pray: “Lord, root me in the security of Your love so that I can overflow in love to others.”
2. Water the Garden: Stay in the Word and Prayer
Love grows in the soil of God’s truth. Read Scriptures about His love (1 John 4:7–12; John 15:9) and as you do, ask the Spirit to warm your heart where it has grown cold. Pray“Lord, help me believe how deeply You love me. Stir up not just obedience but Christlike affection for others.”
Let God’s love flood your heart and trust Him to grow the tenderness we desire even as we serve sacrificially.
3. Pull the Weeds: Identify and Confess Barriers
Some people are easy to love, but some aren’t. We may be tempted to avoid these people or withhold love out of pride, fear, or lingering resentment.
Even if these issues may seem negligible, we need to seriously consider our lack of love in light of our profession of love for God. Jerry Bridges explains this sobering reality this way: “When we do not love, we are basically saying, ‘I do not love You enough to love that person.’” (See 1 John 4:20-21.)
Write down one person you find difficult to love. Ask the Spirit to reveal what hinders you from loving them well. What comes up in your heart when you think about them? Pride? Fear of rejection? Bitterness or resentment? Selfishness?
Confess these barriers honestly: “Father, forgive me for withholding love. Uproot these weeds and replace them with Your compassion.”
Again, return to the “home base” of God’s love for us—and let that be your source and motivation to love the difficult ones in our lives.
4. Tend the Garden: Practice Small Acts of Love
Growth takes time, but it begins with small, Spirit-led steps. We don’t learn love by grand gestures but with faithful actions. Think of one person you can love more deeply this week and consider:
Writing a note of encouragement.
Praying for them and their needs.
Offering practical help or sacrificial service.
Even if it feels hard, remember: love often grows as we obey. Don’t wait for perfect feelings. Pray: “Holy Spirit, help me delight in showing love as Christ has loved me.”
Love Grows Slowly—but Surely
Love is first displayed to us and then commanded of us. Our remaining sin turns us inward and hinders our experience of God’s love, leaving us dry and unable to reflect it to others. This is why we need the Spirit to keep reconnecting us to the Source of love. As we abide in His love, He enables us to love as we have been loved (1 John 4:19) by the power of His Spirit.
God’s love is truly beautiful when it goes beyond duty to delight. It also goes beyond affection to action in the hard ways—forgiving, serving, and sacrificing. It may feel costly, but in dying to ourselves, we find the life Christ promises.
When believers love like this, it blesses the church and becomes a testimony to a watching world: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).
So be patient. Stay rooted in Christ. Trust Him to produce His fruit in you—not by striving harder, but by abiding deeper in His steadfast love.
