As We Forgive Our Debtors: The Grace That Reveals the Heart
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32 ESV
Just as we need daily bread to face daily anxieties, we need daily forgiveness. Last time, we explored how asking God for forgiveness is half of this , requiring a humble recognition of our sin and need. Yet this is only half the story.
This other half, from my own personal experience, may be a bit more difficult.
Jesus doesn’t stop at asking for our forgiveness—He immediately urges us to forgive others as well (Matt. 6:12). These petitions are not separate; they’re inseparably linked by gospel grace. In God’s kingdom, forgiveness received translates into forgiveness given. This prayer tests whether we truly understand grace, for Jesus connects our forgiveness of others with our grasp of God’s mercy.
What Forgiveness Is—and Isn’t
Before diving deeper, let’s clarify what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness doesn’t remove all consequences. It does not erase memories nor bypass wise discernment. It’s distinct from reconciliation, It is not merely therapeutic self-healing.
Even though you might remember the wrong done, forgiveness means you do so without retaliation. Biblically, forgiveness is the canceling of a moral debt, as God did for us through Christ (Col. 2:14). It is often a relational transaction: we are to grant forgiveness when someone comes to us in repentance (Luke 17:3-4). Forgiveness flows from the will, not feelings (Col. 3:13), and reflects the grace we’ve received from God (Eph. 4:32).
Choosing to forgive heals bitterness, restores relationships, and echoes the heart of our forgiving Father. This is a powerful reflection of the nature of God, reflecting His supernatural love and provides a compelling witness (John 13:35).
The Weight: A Terrible, Gracious Petition
Jesus leaves no wiggle room: forgiven people forgive. Augustine called Matthew 6:12 “the terrible petition” because praying it while harboring grudges invites God to withhold mercy. Jesus underscores this a few verses later (Mt. 6:14–15) and then in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Mt. 18:32–35). We cannot long for God’s mercy while denying it to others—it simply doesn’t add up.
C. S. Lewis notes, “No part of his teaching is clearer: and there are no exceptions to it. He doesn’t say that we are to forgive other people’s sins providing they are not too frightful, or provided there are extenuating circumstances, or anything of that sort. We are to forgive them all, however spiteful, however mean, however often they are repeated. If we don’t, we shall be forgiven none of our own.” Spurgeon even warns an unforgiving spirit turns the Lord’s Prayer into a death warrant. Persistent unforgiveness signals either forgetfulness of the cross or that we have never truly embraced it.
Forgiveness: Not a Duty but a Grace-Filled Fruit
Forgiveness isn’t a hoop to jump through for salvation—it’s the fruit of having received it. We don’t forgive to be saved; we forgive because we are saved. Christ’s finished work secures our forgiveness (Eph. 2:8–9), and nothing we do adds to it. But when mercy takes root, it transforms us. A forgiving spirit isn’t the price of salvation but evidence of it (Matt. 18:32–35).
Stubborn refusal to forgive may not mean lost salvation but reveals a heart yet to grasp grace fully (1 John 4:20–21). Jesus' words are not meant to scare true believers, but to awaken the self-deceived and invite all of us into deeper grace.
This is Christ’s invitation: not merely to release offenses but to step out of bitterness’s cramped confines into the spacious freedom of grace. As we do, we can experience more of God’s presence, joy, power, love, and freedom. Forgiveness opens doors to deeper intimacy with God, restored relationships, and a radiant gospel witness.
For Those Bearing Deep Wounds
We recognize that forgiveness can be especially difficult, even painful, for those who have experienced abuse, betrayal, or trauma. In such situations, forgiveness is not a quick or simple decision, nor is it something to be rushed or forced. God meets you in your pain with tender care and understands the depth of your hurt.
Forgiveness in these circumstances may take time, lamenting, and wise counsel. It might begin with small steps—praying for healing, releasing bitterness in God’s presence, or asking Him for strength to trust Him with your pain. Remember, choosing to forgive does not mean you must minimize or ignore what happened. It does not require immediate reconciliation or unsafe contact.
God’s grace works with you at your unique pace. There is no timetable. But also don’t let that stall your growth—God’s grace holds both your hurt and your healing as you move toward forgiveness.
Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
Forgiveness isn’t one-size-fits-all. Depending on where we are in the process, the steps we take will look different.
For those struggling to forgive at all: Reflect honestly on the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matt. 18:21–35) and ask God for the willingness to forgive, even if your heart is reluctant.
For those wanting to forgive but feeling hurt or angry: Bring your pain honestly to God (Ps. 56:8). Forgiving doesn’t mean excusing offenses. Begin by releasing the desire for revenge—a powerful act of grace.
For those needing to forgive repeatedly: Remember that repeated forgiveness is a sign of grace, not failure. Immerse yourself in gospel truths and recall the forgiveness Christ has shown you.
For those pursuing reconciliation: Approach gently and humbly (Gal. 6:1). Be honest but prepared to release what is owed if repentance is genuine.
For spiritually mature leaders: Teach biblical forgiveness carefully, model gospel mercy, and foster safe spaces in your community for restoration.
Wherever you are on this journey, take one step closer to the heart of God. His grace meets you there.
Let’s Pray
To pray, “Forgive us our debts,” is to stand in awe of mercy. To add, “as we forgive our debtors,” is to mirror it. Let His mercy shape your heart today. Ask, “Who do I need to forgive, as You have forgiven me in Christ?”
