Weekend Journal

Zion2Well, I guess I haven't been doing so good on the blogging thing, aside from the reviews, lately. One of the perks of homeschooling is that you can take a long break if you need one...and I definitely needed one! Every year, I carve out about 3 weeks to take a longer break. So right after Easter, our family (minus our oldest) packed up the car and headed out to Zion National Park for a few days with some friends. This past week, we have been recovering from our vacation (Anah's first family vacation with us!). This next week will be time to work on getting my lesson plans in order for the last two months of the school year. I probably should have mentioned that this is what I was doing (I'm still learning how to think like a blogger!). My apologies for not letting you know! This weekend, I have the opportunity to spend three whole days by myself at home. I wasn't expecting it, but I sure do appreciate my hubby for making it possible. Every year, for the past few years, I've taken some time out during our spring break to spend time with the Lord, praying over my own spiritual life as well as reflecting on and evaluating my marriage, each of my children, my relationships with others, and my home. It has been through these extended times that the Lord has really shown me the areas that I need to work on in my own life as well as in my relationships with others. This in turn has then guided me in my priorities and in structuring my days.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to sit with the Lord and take a hard look at myself. I knew that things weren't going so well. Things were beginning to fray a little in my relationships with God, my husband, my children, and my friends. I didn't like what I was seeing in myself. I have found myself doing "survival living," jumping from one urgent task to another, putting out fires, and just getting by. That works for awhile, and sometimes that's what you need to do. But I knew that I didn't want to stay that way. That kind of living dries up my spirit, and I can begin to feel myself cracking.

So this weekend was a godsend. I wasn't expecting it. I guess God was wanting to sit down with me as much as I needed it! In my time with Him, I think He was highlighting several things for me to work on:

  • watch out for my marriage and take time to nurture it intentionally
  • learn how to take a Sabbath, even if I have to leave things undone
  • lower my expectations and standards for myself and others
  • discipline myself to get off the computer by 8 pm so I can get sufficient rest each evening

Hmmm...they seem to have a theme, don't they? As the Lord showed these things to me, I realized that in my self-sufficiency and drivenness, I have pushed myself to keep working. My lack of margin and rest was beginning to show in my relationships so that I have put my to-do list over the needs of others. He showed me my pride as well as my lack of faith and trust that He who called me to be a wife, mother, and minister is able to help me to do what is important. He showed me my fear of man, as I try to keep standards that He did not mean for me to keep, just so I don't look like a flake before others.

I asked Him to search my heart and know my anxious thoughts, in order that He can lead me in the everlasting way (Ps. 139:23, 24). It always seems to come back to this. How patient our Father is! Even though He has had to correct me yet again, I know that He does it because He has something so much better for me.

The road is still long, but I have been spending this weekend praying over and working through each of my family relationships as He guides me. It has been an eye-opening, humbling, and yet satisfying time. He is showing me what my family really needs from me, ideas on how to minister to each of my family members best, as well as reminding me of how much I do cherish each one of them in my life.

So that is what I've been up to for the past couple of weeks. I'll be back to my regular posting schedule (God willing) next week!

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places..."--Ephesians 1:3