"Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."--Psalm 90:12 This past Friday, I received a letter with results from a routine mammogram done a couple weeks ago. It was sent by registered mail, which in itself raised red flags. It said that they found something they'd like to check into a little more. My doctor said it was "benign-looking." I've had screening done in the past and not had any problems. Why now?
I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me. It did. I wish I could tell you that I was fully confident in the Lord and trusted Him completely with this turn of events. But I can't. The fact was, if it were not for all the activity going on around our home that weekend, I would probably have been stewing on things and worrying.
I can say, however, that the Lord did use this to really wake me up. It made me realize that whether this was benign or not, my days are numbered. I cannot just assume that I will have all the time in the world to do the things that are most important to me. None of us do. It is a dangerous assumption. It made me take a really serious look at what I valued in my life and then compare those values in light of eternity. When I did so, I realized that I was spending way too much time on things that really didn't matter and not enough time on the things that did. Things like playing with my son when he asks, "Mommy, play with me." Or spending the time listening to my teen-aged daughter and building into her life. Or building Legos with my 10-year old. In the wake of the letter, I found that I looked at life a little differently. Instead of thinking of what I will do "tomorrow," I began to realize that I wanted to make the most of today. I began to ask myself, "If today is all I have, would it be filled with things that last for eternity?"
I really don't know yet what is ahead for me. But I am realizing that I cannot wait. I must use every day towards the things of the kingdom. I don't know how many days I have left. I know I cannot take it for granted that I will have a tomorrow.
Lord, please help me to make the most of every moment I have and fill it with the things that will last for all eternity. Show me the difference and help me to make choices in that direction, even if it is not convenient or easy. Fill me with a vision beyond what I see here and now while I live in the ordinary moments of every day.