As I have been getting back to blogging this past month, I have found that it is easy to sound like I have it all together. Let me assure you that is a figment of your imagination. I do believe that God has been teaching me a lot, which I hope to pass on to you, but those things are usually things that I have been learning in the past. I have had time to put them into practice and flesh out what I share before I write about it. But there are some things that I am learning right now. They are not polished and packaged up pretty. Like I shared last week, I still yell at my kids. I did it last night again. God still has a lot to do in me.
Writing has been a good way for me to get some of those jumbled up thoughts out as well as a way for me to process, so if you would indulge me, I would like to take Saturdays to think through some of the real-life things I am going through now. There may be no profound insights. If anything, I hope it just gives you comfort to know that you've got a comrade in the trenches and that you're not alone in this journey of mommyhood.
I hope you'll join me for a little "Saturday Morning Live" as I seek to listen to the Lord and deal with some of the things that are on my heart right now. As a mom, there really isn't a whole lot of time to process. Yet it is this slowing-down time to think that is what really helps give me perspective and courage to pick up and keep going.
This week, as I was sitting with the Lord, a thought came to my mind. I really don't trust God. There, I said it. I was reviewing my day and I was feeling a bit of dread. My husband had just told us that we are planning to move out of our house in 10 days and I had done absolutely no packing yet. I realized that I didn't just have to pack up our kitchen, bathroom and living room, but I also had to pack up the things we would need for the next 3-4 months in our temporary home.
On top of that, I realized that with our move, all the doctor visits and appointments I had planned were not just a 5 minute trip anymore. They would now be a commute! Between the move and now, we also have a 2-day retreat that my husband and I are leading as well as preparing for this week's Sunday school class. Can you say "overwhelmed"? It was at this point when the Lord pointed out that my feelings of drowning usually pointed to a lack of faith.
If you're wondering, no, this is not the way life always is for us. I certainly do not thrive on this kind of lifestyle and work very hard to spread things out a little better. But there are times when try as you might, things just seem to fall as they may. They all converge together and pile up so that we need to deal with them all at once.
This past year, I started a new devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Through it, the Lord has been whispering to me, "Trust me, Vera. Don't look around at the storms swirling at your feet. Don't let the fears of drowning under your circumstances take you down. Keep your eyes on Me. Believe that I will get you through these times. But you have to rely on My strength, not your own, for when you trust only in yourself, you are guaranteed to go under." For me, this seems all too easy. Just trust Him and it will all work out? Somehow, it seems almost a bit irresponsible. Don't I also need to do something?
Yes, I do. However, for God that is not necessarily what He wants me to do. What I need to be doing is not necessarily on my to-do list, but on my priority list. It means doing the next thing and being all there, not thinking of the other million things that are still undone. It is remembering that it is about people, not projects.
I shared yesterday that my word for the year is DARE. Will I dare to trust Him with all that I need to do--big and little--and walk as He leads me? I may not even make a dent in my list, but will I trust that when He leads me, I will get the most important things done? Will I believe that when I lay my head down today, I can sleep in peace?
There is only one way to find out. Just do it.
Yes, Lord, I will follow You today. Help me to trust You, not only with the things I cannot manage but even with the things I do everyday. Your ways are better than mine. Help me to discern and know what are the good works you have planned in advance for me for this day and help me to walk in those paths. Amen.
Now, it's time to get started!