Setting Marriage Goals
I am a goal maker. I love creating small challenges for myself and finding ways to grow and improve.
But how do you make goals for a relationship?
What if I aim for something and that person disagrees on the end destination?
Do I just make goals anyway? Or do I just surrender them and let things run their course?
I have tried both. Neither lead to satisfactory ends. If I make my own goals and try to carry them out, my husband has either not participated or I push through anyway and we end up at odds. If I don’t make any goals, then we just wander and our relationship degenerates instead of moves forward.
I’m still figuring this out, but I have learned a few things about making goals in marriage.
First, I need to recognize that there are clearly responsibilities I have in my marriage. These are goals that I can set for myself, choices I make before the Lord, habits that I cultivate towards a godly marriage.
Second, any goals I make need to start where we are. It is not about trying to recapture the glory days of the past—the romance, the way things were before we had kids.
Neither is it about trying to rush into the future, as I am often tempted to do. Life has been challenging for us these days, and there are many times when I wish we could be out of this season of our lives.
So my goals need to be in the present—but aiming toward the future, built on the foundation of things we have done in the past.
And last, my goals need to be created in partnership with my husband. This requires many open and honest conversations about where we’re going together, facing the realities of life together, and putting our hope in God together.
If marriage is the way we testify of Christ and His love, then my goals need to help me to point others—my husband, as well as my children, friends, and church—to Him.
And if marriage is a picture of the upcoming hope we have of seeing our eternal Bridegroom, then these goals need to prepare us for that day.
At this 25 year anniversary mark, we have come a long way since our early days, but clearly there is far more for us.
Our love is a little deeper. It has been tested.
But I still want it to grow. In fact, I am realizing that I need to invest in my marriage’s growth.
So I pray that the Lord will show me how to create goals and nurture habits that will take our marriage further, that it may reflect Christ and bless others.
I’ll share those in the next couple posts!